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Unselfie : why empathetic kids succeed in our all-about-me world
2016
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Publishers Weekly Review
Parenting expert Borba (Building Moral Intelligence) traveled the world and researched for decades before writing this fresh and powerful primer on raising caring kids. The book came into focus, she explains, while she was visiting the Cambodian killing fields outside Phnom Penh. Her resultant goal-find out what causes inhumanity and how to stop it-led her to visit Dachau, Auschwitz, and Rwanda, as well as school classrooms. By consulting current research, she discovered that a strong sense of empathy is not only a moral imperative, but also an advantage in attaining health, happiness, and career success. In separate chapters, Borba presents nine essential empathetic skills: emotional literacy, moral identity, perspective talking, moral imagination, self-regulation, practicing kindness, collaboration, moral courage, and compassionate leadership abilities. In each section, she provides a wealth of exercises, activities, and age-by-age strategies to help parents nurture empathy-a trait, she stresses, that is not innate but can be taught and developed. With narcissism and self-absorption on the rise in our digital age, she argues, this trait is in danger. Her thought- provoking and practical book may very well tip over the parenting priority applecart-and rightly so. Agent: Joëlle Delbourgo, Joëlle Delbourgo Associates. (June) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Booklist Review
*Starred Review* Education expert Borba has noted a troubling trend among young people: a lack of empathy, leading to increases in aggression and bullying, higher anxiety levels, and self-centered rather than community-centered ways of thinking. Her practical solution, which she calls the empathy advantage, helps combat these issues. Drawn from years of research and observation, Borba presents a nine-step plan intended to help children and teens develop the essential skill of empathy. Each chapter focuses on a specific aspect of empathy, and Borba presents case studies, practical steps parents and educators can take to instill the value of empathy in children, and specific strategies and activities that can be used for preschoolers, school-age children, and tweens and teens. Though Borba's suggestions are supported by research, the presentation is anecdotal and readable rather than academic, and the empathy-building activities are generally simple, fun for children, and easy to implement into daily life. Shelves' worth of books have been published over the years highlighting what characteristics children need to succeed, but Borba builds an excellent case for empathy, and parents concerned with the trend toward self-absorption and bullying among young people will find useful tips to counteract the negative messages children are hearing.--Donohue, Nanette Copyright 2016 Booklist
Summary
Bestselling author Michele Borba offers a 9-step program to help parents cultivate empathy in children, from birth to young adulthood--and explains why developing a healthy sense of empathy is a key predictor of which kids will thrive and succeed in the future.

Is the Selfie Syndrome Undermining Our Kids' Future?

Teens today are 40 percent less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Why is a lack of empathy--which goes hand-in-hand with the self-absorption epidemic Dr. Michele Borba calls the Selfie Syndrome--so dangerous? First, it hurts kids' academic performance and leads to bullying behaviors. Also, it correlates with more cheating and less resilience. And once children grow up, a lack of empathy hampers their ability to collaborate, innovate, and problem-solve--all must-have skills for the global economy.

In UnSelfie Dr. Borba pinpoints the forces causing the empathy crisis and shares a revolutionary, researched-based, 9-step plan for reversing it. Readers will learn:

-Why discipline approaches like spanking, yelling, and even time-out can squelch empathy

-How lavish praise inflates kids' egos and keeps them locked in "selfie" mode

-Why reading makes kids smarter and kinder

-How to help kids be Upstander s-- not bystanders -- in the face of bullying

-Why self-control is a better predictor of wealth, health, and happiness than grades or IQ

-Why the right mix of structured extracurricular activities and free play is key for teaching collaboration

-How to ignite a Kindness Revolution in your kids and community

The good news? Empathy is a trait that can be taught and nurtured. Dr. Borba offers a framework for parenting that yields the results we all want: successful, happy kids who also are kind, moral, courageous, and resilient. UnSelfie is a blueprint for parents and educators who want to kids shift their focus from I, me, and mine ...to we, us, and ours.
Table of Contents
Introduction-The Hidden Advantage of Empathy and Why It Matters for Our Childrenp. xi
Part 1Developing Empathy
Chapter 1Empathetic Children Can Recognize Feelingsp. 3
Teaching Emotional Literacy
Chapter 2Empathetic Children Have a Moral Identityp. 25
Developing an Ethical Code
Chapter 3Empathetic Children Understand the Needs of Othersp. 47
Instilling Perspective Taking and Learning to Walk in Another's Shoes
Chapter 4Empathetic Children Have a Moral Imaginationp. 73
Reading to Cultivate Empathy
Part 2Practicing Empathy
Chapter 5Empathetic Children Can Keep Their Coolp. 95
Managing Strong Emotions and Mastering Self-Regulation
Chapter 6Empathetic Children Practice Kindnessp. 119
Developing and Exercising Compassion Every Day
Chapter 7Empathetic Children Think "Us" Not "Them"p. 141
Cultivating Empathy Through Teamwork and Collaboration
Part 3Living Empathy
Chapter 8Empathetic Children Stick Their Necks Outp. 169
Promoting Moral Courage
Chapter 9Empathetic Children Want to Make a Differencep. 191
Growing Changemakers and Altruistic Leaders
Epilogue The Empathy Advantage: The Seven Most Creative Ways to Give Children the Edge They Need to Succeedp. 215
Acknowledgmentsp. 227
Notesp. 231
Indexp. 253
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