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When the subject is rape : a guide for male partners, friends & family members
2023
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Publishers Weekly Review
In this insightful manual, McEvoy (Toxic Romance), a professor emeritus of sociology at Northern Michigan University, offers men tools to best support female rape victims in their lives. Explaining that men often don't know how to discuss sexual assault, McEvoy defines basic vocabulary and elucidates how victims can experience a variety of complicated emotions, from anger or shame to feelings of isolation. Memory issues are common as victims process trauma, sometimes taking the form of flashbacks that "strike like thunderbolts" and at other times as a gradual unfolding of suppressed details; for this reason, McEvoy notes, listeners should expect the victim's narrative to evolve over time and avoid responding with disbelief if it does. The author sets out communication strategies to use when a woman discloses the rape (let her direct the conversation, make clear she's not responsible for "failing to resist the attack"), responses to avoid (don't interrogate, don't suggest retribution), and ways to foster "post-traumatic growth" by helping the victim shape a "redemptive narrative" of the event. McEvoy handles his topic with sensitivity and is careful not to overstate the man's role in the healing process--it's vital for women to maintain total agency throughout--while still making clear that they can play an important support role. This is an ideal road map for male partners or friends who want to help, but don't know where to start. (June)
Summary
Rape is, unfortunately, an all-too-common violent crime usually perpetrated against women. For victims, the process of sharing information about an assault with loves ones or reporting the crime to the police can be harrowing, embarrassing, and painful. The responses of others can greatly affect the way a rape survivor copes. Often the men who are closest to rape survivors--intimate partners, friends, and family members--are simply unprepared to offer the right assistance. The wrong word or action may trigger an unexpected reaction. Written by Alan W. McEvoy, PhD, When the Subject Is Rape is designed specifically to illustrate the role men can play as allies in a woman's recovery from rape.

This book examines the many aspects of rape. It looks at both the short- and long-term emotional and psychological impacts rape can have on a woman, what she can expect during the prosecution of her rapist, and strategies that can help her to recover from the assault. It discusses how the men in her life should communicate with her and address her needs throughout her recovery, and describes how they should conduct themselves to avoid unintentionally causing her more pain. It also explains how to identify changes in behavior that may signal an undisclosed rape. Even if a rape goes unreported, both the emotional consequences and the need for support throughout the recovery process will still be present.

Rape is not an easy subject to discuss. Sexual violence can radically alter the course of a woman's life. By understanding the trauma associated with rape and other forms of sexual assault, men can play an important part in a woman's healing process. When the Subject Is Rape provides information that can help men to create a climate of support for the empowerment of women who are on the path to recovery.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgmentsvii
Prefaceix
Introduction1
1Understanding Rape-Induced Trauma7
2The Immediate Consequences of Rape19
3Communicating with the Victim and Others37
4Understanding the Long-Term Effects of Rape51
5The Impact of Rape on Sexual Intimacy65
6Parental Concerns During the Recovery Process81
7Non-Stranger Sexual Assault93
8Working with Law Enforcement105
9Rape as a Hate Crime121
10Post-Traumatic Growth133
Conclusion141
Resources144
About the Author151
Index153
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